The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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