My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i think my cat just said my name.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
