I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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