You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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