You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
