I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
