Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
