never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm at about main and main street
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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