My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
