my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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