to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
