is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
