At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
