thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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