cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
