Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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