nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
