Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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