i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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