One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
