Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
