Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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