i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
