Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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