A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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