Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
