woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
