He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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