Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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