Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
