bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
