Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Houston, we have a blender
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The Olympian is in my bed
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