I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
