Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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