Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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