he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
