Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
