i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
