whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
