Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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