i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
