my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
