My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
