have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
