My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
