his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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