only if we run a train.
done.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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