You smell like a Billy Joel song
only if we run a train.
done.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
