Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
