I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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