He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
